The moments remained in her heart and in her memories in
such a way that it was like a daily norm or exercise, workout more of her inner
self, because the image always gave her the energy after the same tiring day
she had. Athena pulled her golden blanket, the cold wind were always hospitable,
with the only image in front of hers, the same source of her admiration, her
morals and the sole principle of her life. With a confident breath she whispered,
“Yes, it was the right thing to do”
But she knew she couldn’t run from the question he had asked
her, and that she had to bring it on, at least to the image in front of her. As
it was getting astounding, she drowned into herself, not sure if she wants to
play each of those moments again and again.
First they seemed like small flecks of snow, touching her
skin and disappearing, leaving only a minute of frostiness. The memories came
in like breezes at times, when she would wait till late evening, only to witness
the red sun on its way down the horizon, leaving her the hope of another warm
morning. It would touch her and take her back to that time. She would stand motionless
until the sun passed the horizon and the coffee in her hand would be cold, yet
there was the tiniest of the warmth, she was pursuing amidst the melancholies.
The image got more lucid and vivid, like a daunting dance
in the middle of the wall. “Not always sunset and cold breezes”, the words well
shaped by her limber lips echoed really deep in her heart. It was always in vain
when she tried preventing asking questions that would bring him back to her
thoughts. The delightful eyes behind the clear glass when he used to repeat
more than a hundred times how much he loved her, how much he didn’t care about
himself or anything else except her.
The memories then came like a downpour. The cold wind hit
her chest dry but the chilliness of the thoughts when she searched for the
remains of his scent on her soft blanket was more tortuous.
“if it’s a joke, then it’s a terrible one” the first thing
he had said.
“it is working real nicely athena, I know how much you
love me, I know how much you care about me. Who would make you early morning
coffee?? And who would remind you 5 days before your tummy would ache??” he
always had his way of sweetness. Athena hadn’t blinked her eyes when she said
that was the last time they would see.
The memories hit her like hails in the creepy downpour;
she was wet, with her heart burning to remember the pain she made him feel. She
would never love any other soul the way she loved him. He knew she did.
Athena was searching for the moon through her windows. It
was like a near to schizophrenic episode for her, she could hear him loud and
clear, the tears that she witnessed, bravely without a frown in her face now
made her question one thing she never wanted to. Only when she turned to the
image in front of her, it calmed her soothingly; she felt her heart slowing
down, like after a never ending uphill climb.
Athena was trying to smile again.
The last words from the man whom she loved, now seemed
like a distant echo,
“I know you love me, I have forgotten what happiness
means to me anymore, I have sacrificed everything that was dear to me. Athena, I
lied for you, to myself and to her too. My world revolves around you now Athena.
Don’t you know I live for you? Like I breath to survive, you are the reason
that I feel happy again”
“I know, my dear, I know you do.” Athena had said, but
only to herself, as she knew it would only hurt him more trying to explain that
she is leaving him because he ‘lives and breathes for her. The reasons he was
shouting were the reasons she was leaving. Athena had left him, with no further
hi’s or hello’s.
Athena knew the face in front of her wouldn’t let her be
sad, no matter what forms the memories would take. She knew she wouldn’t ever
be wrong when it would be the guide to her life.
The night finally was silent for her and she almost feel
sleepy, she always wanted to. She moved her eyes above the face in front of
her. The orange wallpaper scattered with quotations and excerpts, now
reflecting with the moonlight she was looking for.
The image now suddenly gets blurry. Even for few seconds,
she felt she missed it, her only friend, and her mentor through years of reading
dusty heavy books.
Athena came out of her bed, with a healthier soul, walked
up to the wall, read the quote that wrote
“I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will
never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine”
, closed the curtains and got back to her bed. Just like
last 5 years, Athena looked at her face in the mirror in front, smiled at
herself before sleeping, with a hope of waking up in front of it,
The only one whom
she ever could love rightly.
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